''And it's interesting this point of having done something so 'bad' connecting killing something or someone as really bad, is coming from morality and how I grew up with family values based in religion and morality where it is 'so bad' if someone kills someone, but I see it as defining that person as 'bad' as a bad person, instead of understanding that person/who they are that led them to killing, but to bring it back to the point, I defined myself as being really bad, beating myself up because I had killed my fish, I had made a bad mistake, I had done something really bad, and this I see is a point I've been existent in for quite some time, all of my life basically where I have had the tendency to really beat myself up, not want to forgive myself when I make mistakes. Like really harsh within me. ''
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to beat myself up and use the point of having made a serious mistake to be a reason why I should beat myself up/punish me instead of taking this mistake as a lesson for me to learn from, not DEFINE myself as it and move on
When and as I see myself make a mistake and about to go into or immediately go into the energy/behavior of beating myself up, I stop, I breathe and I do not allow myself to participate in this self-destructive behavior as it does not but perpetuate self-abuse, but instead I question myself what can I learn from this, what dimension within this did I not see/miss? and then assist and support myself to take note of this mistake and see how I can use this mistake as prevention for the future, like taking the mistake and asking myself what I can do if I walk into a similar situation, how can I stop myself from making the same mistake again.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to automatically go into self hate and shame for having made a mistake instead of realizing this is a personality I have created where I want things to be perfect and when I make a serious mistake or do something that doesn't match up to what I want/expect in relation to being perfect, I go into self-hate, anger and punishment.
I commit myself to investigate this personality-tendency of beating myself up for mistakes through writing, and self-forgiveness since I realize I have created, accepted and allowed this behavior in myself
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that life in equality and oneness does not exist in hate, or punishment, because this world as it exists now exists in just that, and what is here in this world as a mirror of me is not best for all, thus it is my responsibility to stop the self-hate, the self-abuse, self-punishment within and become part of the life-cycle where one treats and cares for one the way one wants to be treated
I commit myself to become part of the Life-Cycle through identifying problems and points that exist within me that is not best for me/all and actually harms life and use the self-empowerment tools of self-honesty, writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application to change and correct myself so I become and live in a way best for all
One dimension that stands out in this regard of beating myself up or going into self-hate after making a mistake, such as for example having accidentally killing my fish, is that this may be in relation to my zodiac sign of being a Virgo, where it's per-programmed within me to want to be a perfectionist and not to be happy or satisfied unless everything goes as planned. That making mistakes is something Virgo's don't like, lol.
In the next blog I will investigate my relationship to the word MISTAKE. Thanks for reading.
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