Thursday, December 11, 2014

Day 219: Regret and Self-Honesty (Overseas Package Example)

Through an online chat with my mother tonight, she told me that the package she sent over to me came back due to an ''insufficient address'' which is odd since she's sent over packages before to me just fine. Anyways, she told me she could send it back but it would cost 61 dollars.

I reacted in regret for her having to ship the package for so much money because the package included certain candies that only come out once a year in the states and I wanted her to send them to me, and looking at it now it's so unnecessary because they are just candies but I have given a lot of value towards them and I wanted them NOW.  So my mom was going to send them over as a holiday gift.

Even looking at it, even when I first told her I wanted these candies I had an uncomfortable feeling in my solar plexus because I knew self honestly that she can just hold onto them or store them in the freezer until I see her again, that mailing them is unnecessary, especially if it costs so much money to be shipped over.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stand up within myself and my self-honesty and tell my mother that she can hold onto the candies because it was unnecessary for her to ship them over to me because I realize that I would most likely abuse these candies since I have not transcended or 'maintained' my addiction to sweets yet

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in regret and allow this to influence how I feel when I think about how my mom wasted $61 on sending candy to me, where I go into a low-negative experience within myself of shame, beating myself up for my mother wasting her money, as if it is my fault she wasted money
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into guilt for my mother spending so much money on my package without me being aware of it until it was ''too late'' where the package came back and she wanted to know if I should send it to her again because I feel/experience myself as being a bossy person, expecting and wanting certain items to be shipped over to me without considering the finances involved with what I want and from this I realize that I do have the tendency of ignoring or not allowing myself to consider other people's life and finances in general when it comes to purchasing things/getting what I want

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stand up for myself within self honesty and tell my mom that it's best she doesn't send over those candies because I know that I won't be able to eat the candies in moderation because I am not yet at the point where I can trust myself with sugar/sweets

The guilt and anger I have towards this point is prominent where I want to hold onto this mistake I made and beat myself up with it. But I realize that's a constant point I exist in and as, is beating myself up for mistakes I made. Look, I didn't see or was absolutely aware with the candy point, it was only until this reaction towards the package that I then looked at this point. So now I'm aware that I need to be more honest with myself when it comes to sugar and sweets, to really walk this path for me in making firm decisions of where I stand with candies/sweets, because in this case, candies/Sweets are not ''good'' for me because I do not have the ''strength'' to eat such things in moderation.

So, I commit myself to when and as I see myself react in guilt towards the memory of when my mom told me she spent $61 on a package of candy for me, I stop, I breathe and I do not allow myself to give into the guilt but instead realize that I made a mistake where I was not aware of who I was in my stand with sugar, and gave into my wants towards it instead of considering the money involved to send such a package, and sticking to my self-honesty

I commit myself to walk through my point with sugar, to really make firm decisions with myself on where I stand with this substance because I realize I do have a problem with it and need to get myself in control with it

When and as I see myself beat myself up for allowing my mom to spend a lot of money on a gift I don't need, but wanted, I stop, I breathe and I do not allow myself to participate in the pattern of beating myself for a mistake because I understand that the mistake happened because I wasn't acting within my self-honesty where I knew it was best for me to tell my mom to hold onto the candies instead of sending them over, and so this understanding allows me to learn from my mistake so I do not do this again




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Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Day 218: Realizations from Being with Children

I got invited today as a potential candidate for an English pre-school to come in and play with the children for a few hours. This allowed me to meet the other staff members, get a good feel for the job to then be determined if I would be a good fit there.

While I was with these children, aged 1 1/2 to 3 years old, I had many realizations. Here are some I wrote down:

1) They're cute, but don't let that get to you.

I saw myself go into like the 'awww she's so cute' point, thinking that this little girl is perfectly sweet and nice. But then I observed how this sweet looking little girl actually caused some problems in the class, biting children, hitting them. So the girl's behavior was not aligned to an idea I had of her, and of course, this does not make her a ''bad girl'' -- she could have only picked up/acted on such behaviors from us (humanity, parents, caregivers, teachers, world).

So within this I realized the following: looks can be deceiving, and this even applies to our society and world in general, where in the media we can become so captivated by an actress or actor and think all these good things about them, but we really don't know the reality of them, just like how we have ideas of ourselves, perhaps thinking we are good people because we give to charity, but not realizing how we give to charity because it makes us ''feel better'' as a self-interest point instead of consideration that charities are simply band-aids and do not actually help the poor for the long-run, it only helps them temporarily. So basically I saw here how I need to stop easily assuming or interpreting how another is, based on how I ''think'' they are according to how they look.

2) The ''mine'' point:

I have seen instances of children saying the ''mine'' and not wanting to share with others. Even the word ''mine'' sounds like mind, lol.

I see this as where a child says ''mine'' as a form of fear because what I interpreted when I went over to this girl and asked her if her doll is sleeping she said ''mine'' and brought the doll closer to herself, so I wondered if maybe she thought I was going to take it from her, which also brings me to the point of survival of the fittest, how we fear losing money or things in our lives that can threaten our life. We are basically programmed to survive. I mean it's in our DNA in a way -- we must survive, because the world we live in today is built on competition and survival where we really cannot trust each other because our world is hostile, it is insecure, we do not have a secure monetary system based on consideration of all beings on the planet so that everyone, humans, animals even plants have all basic needs fulfilled to live on this planet, and because we don't have this, we don't have a secure world or monetary system -- we are insecure, we are in fear all the time, we must live based in survival, ''working to survive,'' essentially.

3) We need more education about how to work with children:

Some basic ''troublesome behaviors'' of 2-3 year olds are pulling hair, screaming, basically acting out in ways that make the environment stressful for others. What we usually do is say ''stop, don't do that'' and if the behavior continues, we put them in the time out chair. The problem I see within that is that we don't communicate to the children about their behavior, the consequences of it, how it effects the other person, and especially in the case of 2-3 year olds, this is very hard to communicate such things, to talk about consequences.

Their behaviors must then come from us, the caregivers, the parents, the teachers, because of how we exist within. For example, there is a blog from Leila on parenting and why babies throw temper tantrums, and it was pointed out that as a parent, when you really want to do something, but unable to and throw a tantrum about it in your mind, babies pick up on that and see how you accept and allow it, so then over time, babies then develop that temper tantrum tendency because of how we as parents or caregivers allowed it to exist in us.

We require more education on how to effectively work with children, and that does start with working with ourselves in understanding how we exist according to our minds because who we are/how we exist in the mind makes a big impact on our children.

Fortunately, as of late, there have been audio recordings on parenting and how to work with the mind so you as a parent, teacher or caregiver can learn how to become stable for your children. It's on EQAFE.com -- I definitely suggest you check it out.

Additional notes: I can see it for myself that when working with the young children it's important to remain as stable as possible because if you allow yourself to go into reaction, it will affect how you speak, how you move, and how you are, and children will see it and pick up on it -- they naturally look to us as examples so when we don't breathe and sort our reactions out but allow them to remain within us, the kids will assume that reacting and holding onto reactions is okay and will then develop that pattern as they grow up. In general, children I have met are more easily able to let things go, which is cool.

That is what I have for today. Thanks for reading.


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Educational & Supportive Websites:
Journey to Life Blogs:     Personal Journeys of Self-Discovery
EQAFE.com  Free Self-Improvement Interviews
DIP Lite:  Free Self-Development Online Course
Desteni I Process: Online Self-Mastery Course at it's Finest
Relationship Agreement Course: Empower Yourself, Strengthen your Relationships
Desteni Website  Understanding the Human Mind, Oneness & Equality
Desteni Wiki Structured, Organized Information about Self & Solutions
Desteni Forum  Forum with interactive support, resources and tools 

Thursday, November 20, 2014

Day 217: How Too Much Thinking Causes Headaches

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Today I listened to a really interesting audio recording from EQAFE on the brain and how we create headaches due to thinking.

Is it really amazing and fascinating at the same time to listen to how we are basically the creators of our headaches, that it is from our own participation, acceptance and allowance of thoughts from deep-seated emotions that create such pains within our own brains to the extent that our body communicates to us through headaches.

We so easily take a pill and get on with our life, but the more we allow this, the more this issue, or point that is deeply suppressed within comes out again, either through more headaches, or other consequences within our bodies.

So I saw how I have conditioned myself to basically take medicine or natural medicinal support for my body whenever a headache would strike. Now since listening to the audio recording I have knowledge on the steps to take to actually heal and treat a headache for good.

In a way I am ''looking forward'' to when a headache comes again to walk the path suggested to see for myself what I can find and discover of me that I've been suppressing/hiding so I can understand and clear the point finally, that way when I face a similar point in the future I can apply the immediate correction before a headache starts. I will definitely share with you all about my findings!

This is going to be a short blog, but I do recommend you check this recording out if you are interested in learning more about how thinking effects the brain and how to heal your headache without medicine. 





Educational & Supportive Websites:
Journey to Life Blogs:     Personal Journeys of Self-Discovery
EQAFE.com  Free Self-Improvement Interviews
DIP Lite:  Free Self-Development Online Course
Desteni I Process: Online Self-Mastery Course at it's Finest
Relationship Agreement Course: Empower Yourself, Strengthen your Relationships
Desteni Website  Understanding the Human Mind, Oneness & Equality
Desteni Wiki Structured, Organized Information about Self & Solutions
Desteni Forum  Forum with interactive support, resources and tools 

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Day 216: Resistance to Letting Go of Stress

Continuation from:
The Fear that Drives my Stress in Work

So today I saw I was stressed, and within me I saw that I should walk forgiveness, and that I can walk forgiveness on this point, but then this belief backchat of ''it's not going to work,'' comes up followed with an experience/feeling of not wanting to do it, because I projected me doing it/saying the SF and it not completely working, and I have believed it, and I know that I am not honest and genuine within saying SF because I saw I was in the emotional experience and I knew that to get me out of the emotional experience to say SF but I didn't want to, I had resistance. I didn't see there to be a point to walk the SF. I saw it as an obligatory thing to do.

If I look at it, if I were to walk SF within the experience I would not want to because I would want to stay in that stress-experience of working because I think and believe it keeps me alert and going. I am afraid to lose my ability to work and to get things done to the best of my ability without this stress. So that is why I didn't want to walk SF.

So my relationship to me with SF is misaligned. Looking at who I am within that stress experience, I like being in that state because I feel like I am working hard, it gives me or makes me feel like I have purpose with being so determined and working within what I do. I don't want to let that experience go because I am afraid I will not be able to work as much or with that determination and focus as before. I project that with walking SF on the stress, I have an idea/expectation that it will all go away and thus I will be so relaxed and calm I will not have that determination, stress and focus within getting the job done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I ''should'' walk self-forgiveness when I see myself stressed instead of realizing that self-forgiveness is a decision I make within the moment where I don't allow myself to tell me what I should or should not do but simply make the decision and agreement within myself to DO/WALK self forgiveness whenever an emotional reaction comes up within me WITHOUT expectations or ideas about what MAY HAPPEN when I walk self forgiveness because I realize that self forgiveness is an unraveling where I will discover or find insights, realizations and/or solutions that wouldn't come forth if I stayed within an emotional state, so thus it is essential to simply allow myself to when I say/speak self-forgiveness to do it within the starting point of forgiving myself of accepting and allowing myself to participate and become equal and one to an energy/mind consciousness point instead of standing equal and one to the physical, as Life

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stand equal and one to my decisions within becoming and acting and living the real process of forgiving myself whenever an emotion or feeling as consciousness comes up

I commit myself to realign myself with self-forgiveness, where self-forgiveness becomes a part of me and my every day life and living so that whenever an emotional/feeling reaction or movement comes up within me I act immediately within correction of forgiving myself of the energetic experience, so I realize that to become and live self-forgiveness absolutely takes practice and consistency

I commit myself to start now in this moment, practice acting in the moment whenever an emotion/feeling or energetic experience comes up within me, that I forgive myself without expectations or ideas or projections of what may come or how I may feel after – to such ideas go and stay here in the moment and trust myself that the insights, realizations and solutions will come the more I become self-honest with myself in the moment, forgiving myself in becoming the mind consciousness point existent within me and realign myself back to earth/physical

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand how I have allowed myself to create a personality within myself where I ''tell'' myself what I should or should not do according to waking my process instead of becoming the directive principle of BECOMING the decision of immediately walking the correction process of forgiving myself when I am stressed

I commit myself to identify, bring up, unravel and change this process-personality of telling myself what I should or should not do within walking process through self-honest writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application and to align myself into walking this process in self-honesty, without polarity of ''should and should nots''

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear forgiving myself and letting go of the stress when I am stressed because I am afraid that if I let go of the stress then I won't be able to be so determined and focus as I usually am when I am working hard and from this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not re-define the words ''Determined'' and ''Focused'' so I may live these words in my life without the stress or energetic/consciousness influence within my work

I commit myself to redefine for me the words ''Determined'' and ''Focused'' so I may live these words within my work/the work that I do

I realize that self-forgiveness will not assist me if my starting point to begin with is misaligned where who I am is not willing to forgive because I don't want to forgive because I am holding onto a point or idea, where I don't want to let go of it because I am afraid of losing a part of that stress, that is who I am within my work

I commit myself to understand this fear of not letting go of the stress through self-honest writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and give in to the thought that self-forgiveness is not going to work, creating a resistance or experience within me where I do not want to walk self-forgiveness, because I realize if I really do believe and think that I am this thought of ''self-forgiveness is not going to work'' I am actually going to create a resistance or wall for myself towards walking self-forgiveness, thus I see, realize and understand that I am creating the actual resistance to walking self-forgiveness while I'm stressed by saying to myself – and believing to myself-- ''self forgiveness is not going to work, '' so essentially trapping myself in this belief

So within this, I realize a few points: One is that if who I am is within the starting point of not wanting to walk self-forgiveness or release the point of stress within me, self-forgiveness is not going to work and I am not going to walk it. Then, when I give in, believe, become, and participate in the thought ''self forgiveness is not going to work'' I am actually creating that resistance to self-forgiveness the more I say, think and believe it and from that, not want to walk self-forgiveness. SO, I am really the creator of my own experiences.

When and as I see myself say to myself or think ''self-forgiveness is not going to work'' I stop, I breathe and I do not allow myself to participate in the thought because I realize I do not want to give in and become this thought or else I will create a wall of resistance where I will not want to walk self-forgiveness, where the process to walk self-forgiveness will become harder the more I give in, participate and believe in such a thought, so I commit myself to stop, breathe and not allow myself to give or participate in the thought but instead ''Catch'' this point for myself where the mind is trying to grab my attention to become this thought so I can remain trap and not release myself from the mind

More on this to come, thanks for reading!


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Educational & Supportive Websites:
Journey to Life Blogs:     Personal Journeys of Self-Discovery
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DIP Lite:  Free Self-Development Online Course
Desteni I Process: Online Self-Mastery Course at it's Finest
Relationship Agreement Course: Empower Yourself, Strengthen your Relationships
Desteni Website  Understanding the Human Mind, Oneness & Equality
Desteni Wiki Structured, Organized Information about Self & Solutions
Desteni Forum  Forum with interactive support, resources and tools 

Friday, November 7, 2014

Day 215: The Fear that Drives My Stress in Work

I am working on a project currently and my stress levels have been very high. Who I am within and walking this project has been stressed, and I see it beneficial to actually write out the problem so I can find a solution for myself. I do see that it is a personality pattern I'm holding onto and existing as, but it needs to be deprogrammed because it is causing stress within me and my body where my breathing becomes shallow, my chest constricts and I pressure myself into expectations of what needs to be done within a certain period of time instead of actually walking this project step by step, stopping projections and just being here.

This requires me to re-define and walk the word PATIENCE as well as understanding this personality-system more. So let me start.

I react in fear towards the idea that this project needs to be completed today, but this is actually irrational because this project is large and thus requires a lot of time to build. Then I have this idea that I cannot relax, I need to be stressed about this because I'm afraid if I relax my job will not be completed to the level or extent I think/believe it would be if I were stressed. This comes from an idea of when I was in school around middle school age when I would work for hours on a school project, constantly focused and in a state of stress and really thinking that that is what drives me to do my best. One example is that in high school during lunch I realized a paper for Spanish class was due next class so within the 45 minutes I had I typed up a complete paper and got an A on it. So from there I thought and believed that I can do good on these projects IF I remain in a certain state of mind, which in my case, is a particular form of STRESS.

The stress is specific. It is like a constant focus, a drive within that comes from a fear, fear of losing out, and I do not let me take a break unless it's bathroom or food, but I am in a 'zone' or state of mind where I am driven by this fear and push as this stress to do my best work.

This way of working, while stressed, can really push an individual to do many things, however, the stress and pressure from the mind involved in the body is not supportive. So how can I create a relationship to the work I do to make it stress-free and also do my best work without that energy of fear? I first need to de-program this point, so here is Self-Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear towards the idea that my project needs to be completed today because of the fear that if it isn't than someone else's project similar to mine might come into manifestation/fruition and be better

When and as I see myself react in fear to the idea that I must finish my project today/soon, I stop, I breathe and I do not allow myself to participate in the fear because I realize that this project needs to be walked step by step and will be built through time to become a project with my work imvolved, thus I realize this project will take time and will not be done in a day or week, but will take an accumulation of days and work for it to be substantial

I commit myself to walk this project step by step, one point at a time, breathing through and letting go/forgiving any fears or ideas that come up towards this point

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear another's project may be 'better' than mine because I fear losing out in having more attention, fame, and money instead of realizing my starting point is more geared towards self-interest instead of genuine intent of doing this project for me in assisting and supporting me to expand within who I am and what I do

When ans as I see myself go into fearing another's project to be or eventually become better than mine, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back to the reason why I started this project, that it is a project I want to do for me and others to better assist those in the country I am living in, thus I commit myself to forgive/let go of desires of my project becoming the best because I realize then my whole starting point is in competition/fear and not genuine support, so I commit to practice sticking to my starting point of doing this project for/as me instead of others/in separation of me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire so much to be famous and to have a lot of money with my project so I can feel comfortable and safe with my life, knowing that I have enough money to buy whatever I may need to fit my needs and desires so I don't live a life in fear and survival

When and as I see myself desire to be famous and to have enough money to live comfortably, I stop, I breathe and I do not allow myself to participate in the desire as I realize it is coming from a fear of survival, so I commit myself to remind myself of my financial stability/that I have all I need and to stop allowing myself to go off in thoughts of worry and fear of not being able to make enough or have enough money since I see I do have enough to live comfortably at this stage

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I need to move fast with this project or else I won't be able to gain the attention and possible profit I may get if I were to be slow with it or not get it by the end of the week instead of realizing that I fear losing money and oppurtunites that 'could have been' if I have just gotten them done sooner

When and as I see myself desire to move FAST because I fear losing out on an opportunity that can bring me wealth and/or fame, I stop, I breathe and I do not allow myself to participate in this fear because I realize it is a program to keep me in a continuous state of stress and I realize that does not help me or my body, so I commit myself to simply work on the project for/as me in self-enjoyment and expansion and embrace any oppurtunites that may come, not think or wish about them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear finding out that my project is not good enough or not completed in enough time because another has created an even better project than me and recieves the attention, fame and money that I have wanted with this and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing out on an opportunity of attention, fame and money

When and as I see myself fear or project another having or creating a better project than me and receiving more attention/fame/money than me, I stop, I breathe and I do not allow myself to participate in fear or projections of this point since I realize they do nothing but drive me into stress and competition, so from this I commit myself to stop giving in or feeding into projections or fears of someone doing a better job on the project than me and focus on this project is assisting and supporting myself to expand in my skills and awareness

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to not take into consideration the many other individuals involved with similar projects as me, many of them coming before me and already having successful projects publicly available and praised and within this I see a desire is existent within me where I want to be at the 'top' so I am the 'best' because I want to feel 'safe' with where I'm at in terms of financial stability

I commit myself to remain humble within my project-process by focusing on expanding my skills

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myslf to see, realize and understand how I exist within a fear of losing money or not having enough money and fearing that the money I ask to borrow or recieve from another will go away

I commit myself to investigate the fear of losing money, not having enough money and fearing the money I ask to borrow from or receive will go away through self-honesty, writing and self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to a memory where I waited in line for several hours to buy concert tickets with a huge desire and stress to getting really good seats only to realize after waiting in line so long they don't take credit card so I had to go to the machine and take out cash, thus losing my opportunity to get good seats at the concert I really wanted to go to and having to wait back in line again and then finding out they only had lawn seats available, and within this --

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so angry, incredibly angry at not getting what I wanted because of not having the information or knowledge that the box office only accepts cash because I was stressed to begin with seeing all the people in line, and even projecting and imagining all the other girls my age standing in line for tickets and how it is such a competition to get good seats and how it's 'not fair' I couldn't get good seats after waiting in line for so long and wanting so badly to get good seats so I could be close to my favorite singer. I see, realize and understand that because I lost my oppurtunity to be 'first' and get really good seats compared to other girls, I really reacted in anger because my whole starting point was to be first so I could get the best seat, and within this I see, realize and understand I had been angry over the fact I was stressing out over something beyond my control in that I cannot have my desires manifest the way I want them to, I must take reality into consideration and that thousands of girls were probably in my situation, wanting the best seat at the concert and waiting several hours in line to get them, so even if I were first or in the beginning of the line does not mean I will get better seats than other girls around the country also in lines. I realize that this entire world system lives and breathes competition, it is what we have programmed ourselves in because of FEAR of LOSING OUT/MISSING OUT/NOT SURVIVING

I commit myself to understand and find solutions to stopping the competition that exists within me since I realize it comes from fears of losing out/missing out/survival and thus I allow it to drive me into stress and acting out in certain ways towards my work and what I do.

I also see, realize and understand there is a drive within me of COMPETITION, of wanting to be the BEST and getting to things FIRST, because if you are FIRST you are the BEST and at THE TOP. So, I can see this drive and stress within is from competition, wanting to have the best project, fearing to lose out on opportunities.

Funny how I associate being competitive to being a male, so not wanting to acknowledge or identify within myself this 'competitive streak' within me of wanting to be the best/be at the top. Fascinating this opened up!

More to be continued. Thanks for reading.


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Educational & Supportive Websites:
Journey to Life Blogs:     Personal Journeys of Self-Discovery
EQAFE.com  Free Self-Improvement Interviews
DIP Lite:  Free Self-Development Online Course
Desteni I Process: Online Self-Mastery Course at it's Finest
Relationship Agreement Course: Empower Yourself, Strengthen your Relationships
Desteni Website  Understanding the Human Mind, Oneness & Equality
Desteni Wiki Structured, Organized Information about Self & Solutions
Desteni Forum  Forum with interactive support, resources and tools